


Sadness

by BlackFeather45



Series: Feelings [5]
Category: Doctor Strange (2016), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers Infinity War, Endgame, F/M, Feelings, Infinity War, Loss, Memories, Memories of Good Times, Not Beta Read, Sadness, Spoilers, a long overdue continuation, bye bye bf, spoiler - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-10
Updated: 2019-12-10
Packaged: 2020-03-30 00:03:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19030663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackFeather45/pseuds/BlackFeather45
Summary: What would happen if your boyfriend and the sorcerer supreme would vanish because a purple grape decided to snap its fingers.Leaving you behind in this cold lonely world.





	Sadness

You had managed to help Bruce with the device he had wanted for himself to learn to maybe have more control over what the Hulk was doing. You let him have it and he would send you reports after every mission. You were free after that and you had went back to work in your lab, declining the offer to work further in the Avengers tower and for them. You needed a break and wanted to spend more time with your boyfriend an concentrate on your work back at your company.

After a particular unnerving day, you finally returned back home. And with home I mean the sanctuary in New York, the master bedroom of the sanctuary that was there. You dropped down on the soft bed right after a warm shower and rolled on your side only to let your gaze shift over the shirtless body of your boyfriend who was laying next to you, reading a book that he had probably from one of the many libraries.

"Do you like what you are seeing?" He asked with a soft smile, not looking away from his book, but feeling your gaze still on him.

"Of course I do" You hummed and crawled closer to the sorcerer and between his book and his lap.

"Attention" You groaned as you rubbed your forehead against his clothed thigh, making him lift up his book and finally look down at you.

"State your business, creature that took shelter in my girlfriends mind" He said with a small smile on his lips.

"Attentiooooon" You yawned and gripped his thigh gently with a small smirk on your lips.

"You are acting like a cat"

"I don't care. Take me in your arms and let me sleep in your lap. You can keep reading, I don't care" You said and he did so after putting his book down.

"I will not let you fall asleep unprotected" He whispered in your ear and kissed it as he was holding you in your arms, which only ment that he would put a protection spell on you and your dreams.

"Thank you, my sorcerer supreme" You hummed and fell asleep before he had even finished the spell.

* * *

That was the last evening you had spent with your boyfriend and it had been a few hours since you had seen the last of him. He had told you to stay in the sanctuary in the Kamar-Taj in Tibet. He had told you that the Earth was under attack and he had to take care of it.

"Make sure to get back to me" You had told him before he had parted with a kiss on your forehead.

"I will" He had promised, but he hadn't kept his promise.

 

"Y/N" You looked up from your mug of coffee as you heard the familiar voice of your new friend, Wong.

"Hey. What's up" You asked with a very scratchy voice.

"How are you?" He asked as he sat down in front of you by the kitchen table in the temple in Tibet.

"Excellent of course" You sighed and lowered your gaze.

"You know that he isn't dead, right? With the snap he is most likely in another dimension, trapped and trying to get out" Wong said, trying to cheer you up.

Right. The snap. Since it had happened you and you heard from Pepper that Strange was one of the people that didn't make it, you hadn't had a night where you haven't cried yourself to sleep. You could only imagine her doing the same. After Tony found out that you and Strange were together, he had dropped his feelings for you and had entered a relationship with Miss Potts. You remember vagually something about an upcoming wedding, but that might also be your cloudy mind.

"I will be going back to New York today. Work needs me and I need work" You informed Wong as you looked back up.

"I will make sure to drop by every now and then, okay?" You said as you saw the look of concern on his face.

"Take care of yourself, Y/N" Wong said before the two of you got up at the same time.

But instead of letting you go and leave without a further goodbye, he pulled you in a gentle hug and patted your back.

"He will come back. He always does" Wong said as he let you go once again.

You smiled softly at his words and nodded.

"Hopefully" You whispered and turned around, where Wong opened up a portal for you and let you go, return to your apartment in New York.

* * *

Days passed. Weeks. Months. 

You visited Wong sometimes for a cup of tea and to talk. After some time you had started to read some books about all the things a sorcerer could learn. You often stayed in Strange's room to read, laying on the bed that the two of you had shared nearly every night.

Wong helped you as you tried to astral project for the first time. He helped you with using the sling ring and taught you how to do it well. You often used that portal to drop by the Avengers compound, visiting Natasha, who had been left behind. Steve sometimes dropped by to visit Natasha, his old friend. In the beginning you took it as your cue to leave, but every now and then you stayed and the three of you talked, trying to fill the void within.

In the first few weeks of being seperated of your doctor, you had felt a hole forming inside of you. Some kind of darkness taking over your body. You couldn't stop crying the first week of being alone and seperated to something more cruel than death.

You had talked with Wong about the things you experienced. He knew about your condition, about your past and so he gladly explained to you what was happening.

"You are sad. That what you are feeling, is **sadness**. Maybe even depression, but let's not go down there" Wong had explained to you and with that information you spend a few days goodling the feeling he had told you about.

 **Sadness**.

It was only logical that you felt it. Loosing someone special to you, close to you, it was only normal to feel sad. Devastated even.

Even after two years that feeling had still a tight grip on you.

You had returned to work a long time ago, still visiting the two avengers and your new friend Wong. You had become a decent master at the mystic arts and Wong had to beg you to momentarily jump in to lead the sanctuary in New York and help him reconstruct the protection spells around the planet.  
You had agreed to. At least the remaining humans had to be protected from whatever threat there was still out there. Wong held up the spell in Hong Kong, you in New York and a master you hadn't had the pleasure to meet yet, made sure that the spell in London was active. It didn't took much to uphold the spell, but you had to make sure it was active every day at least three times.  
That was how you ended up eating your meals on the floor and looking at the circles that glowed over the globe that was flying around the sanctuary in a special room.  
You watched it in the morning as you were trying to swallow down some cereal, by lunch when you nibbed on your food, and dinner, which mostly ended up with you sitting around and sipping on a bottle of whatever was around and sitting there past midnight, watching the model turn the whole time.

In between the meals you were working or reading. Trying to occupy yourself as much as possible, to keep your mind at work the whole time and not to fall deeper in that so-called void of emotions.  
But sometimes all the books and netflix shows couldn't keep you occupied the whole time and you started to cry out of nowhere.  
You had managed to keep yourself together until you reached the bathroom and just let the tears fall, but you were a mess once you dropped down between Strange's sheets.

 

"You have no idea how much I miss you" You whispered after five years of being alone, once again laying on the bed you once used to share with your boyfriend.

"You have helped me since you took the soul sucking thing out of my brain. I guess this is some kind of Stockholm syndrom, since no one should weep after someone for such a long time" You whispered as you played with the yellow gloves that you used to wear often.  
You hadn't been a fan of them and you had made it clear often enough. You knew that he was hiding his scars with those, since he was somehow ashamed of them, not that you knew what he ment by that but you decided not to ask, as it has not been about you, but his feelings towards his hands. You had made sure to show him that there was nothing to be ashamed off as you had taken his hand andlet his fingertips drive over the scars underneath your hair.  
"I am not ashamed of those either" You said and he had raised his eyebrows at you.

"They are hidden"

"Oh! Sure they are" You had said and after a few more words the two had went back to bed.  
You had actually waited for him to fall asleep before you had sneaked over to the bathroom and shaved your whole head.

"What the hell are you doing?" Strange had startled you as you were nearly finished and he knocked on the door of the bathroom, which normally was never locked, but this time it was.

"Shaving" You had called back and finished up removing the hair from your head.  
You didn't particularly cared much about your hair and if you didn't like it you could always buy a wig or wear a hat.

"In the middle of the night?" Strange asked, sound a bit worried.

"Yep" You had said and opened up the door with a grin on your face.

"I am not ashamed of what lays underneath my hair and I am not afraid to show it" You had said and looked up in his face that was a mixture of emotions. You didn't even know what half of them were.

"Wow" He had whispered, obviously speechless.

"You look like the ancient one" He had said after regaining his posture and you had laughed at the remark.

"Sadly I am not even close to being as wise as her" YOu had chuckled and he had leaned down and kissed one of the scars on your head.

"You know that you didn't had to do that? Now you have to go through the troubles of letting it grow out once again" He said as he leaned back and cupped your cheek.

"I don't care. As long as we can be scar buddies" You had said with a grin and he had started to laugh as you had taken his hand in yours and kissed it gently.

"Scar buddies for live" He had chuckled and guided you back to bed.

 

This had taken place years ago. After he had been gone you had let your hair grow out, too tired to mantain a buzzcut. It had grown out neatly. Down to your shoulder blades, but you mostly had it up in a messy bun or a high ponytail to keep the hair out of you eyes.  
Just like now as you were laying on the bed with those gloves in your hands, which Strange had started to wear less after you had decided to buzz down your hair.  
"Scar buddies, huh" You whispered as you slowly closed your eyes and let the sadness wash over you once again, letting the tears rush down your cheeks.

"Scar buddies for live" You shot up as you heard a very familiar voice and looked in the man who was standing in the doorway of the bedroom.

"What...." You managed to choke out before you rushed over to the sorcerer supreme and wrapped your arms tightly around him.

"I am back... but the world is under attack once again" He whispered in your hair as he kissed it.

"I would love to say that I don't care but I guess it is something big"

"Thanos is back. I have to go" He said and was about to turn around and leave through the portal that was open and revealed a destroyed Avengers compound.

"Yeah... fuck it I am coming with you" You said and he raised his eyebrows at you.

"Just go and don't ask. It's been five years, I had much time on my hands and Wong is a great teacher" You said and pushed him through the portal, joining the battle with the other sorcerers.

 


End file.
